About Gary
By: Gary's Mother, Sylvia Plumery
Our second son, Gary, was born on June 25, 1960 (his father’s 26th Birthday) in Melrose Park, Illinois. Our first son, Rich, was only 11 months old when Gary was born. Gary only weighed 5 lbs., and was (in our opinion) a very beautiful baby. When we brought Gary home from the hospital, we had no idea that he had Down Syndrome. Our General Practitioner apparently wanted us to gradually discover his condition. Of course, as parents in their early twenties, we had no information about Down Syndrome.
For the next 6 weeks, Gary was a good baby, sleeping a lot and hardly ever crying, but he had difficulty sucking his bottle. I called the doctor’s office many times during that period, but was advised to let Gary sleep through the night and wake him up during the day for feedings.
When we took Gary for his 6 week checkup, the doctor asked us if anyone in our family had slanty eyes. We answered – No, and asked why he asked that question. He said that Gary had some of the features of a “Mongoloid”, but it was too early to diagnose. We went home that night, wondering if the doctor was right, and whether we should go to another doctor for a second opinion.
The next morning, I got on the phone and found a Pediatrician who had an open appointment. When the pediatrician walked into the examination room, he appeared to be very surprised and shocked, and he asked what we knew about this baby. I explained what our family doctor had said. After the doctor examined Gary, he brought us into his office, and said that, in his opinion, Gary had Down Syndrome. I was totally in shock, and started crying in his office. I have to say that this doctor had no bedside manner whatsoever. I can remember sitting there thinking about what Gary was going to be like. We knew him as a loving, sweet baby. This doctor made him seem like some kind of a freak.
The doctor said that we could get another opinion and referred us to Illinois Research for a complete examination and diagnosis. We had to wait until Gary was 5 months for an appointment at Illinois Research. Gary was put through many tests, x-rays, etc. Gary had all of the features of Downs Syndrome -- folding of the ear, large tongue, stars around the cornea, etc. After all of the testing, the Chief Physician asked us if we would stay for the interns’ afternoon class. I found this to be another traumatic moment in my life. Gary was placed on an examination table for all of the interns to examine.
I kept wanting to grab my baby and leave. As the interns were examining Gary, the Chief Physician turned to us and asked what we were going to do with this baby. We answered that we were going to raise him with our other son. He then said “I have worked with Mongoloids for 20 years – and my advice to you is to place him in an institution and forget him. He will never fit into the world”. We were in such shock that we hardly responded and then left. As we left, we had this terrible feeling of emptiness and despair. We didn’t know what to do next.
We decided to call our parish priest. Again, he had no advice for us, since he did not know that much about Down Syndrome. He, however, referred us to a Catholic home for developmentally disabled infants through 6 years old. We met Sister Mary Walter, who gave us a tour of the home. It was so disturbing to see all of the babies lying there with missing arms and legs and severely brain damaged.
We then talked to Sister Mary Walter about our child. We told her about Gary’s Down Syndrome diagnosis. I can remember asking her if a child could have the features of Down Syndrome, but be normal. She advised that we accept the diagnosis. She, however, also advised that we keep Gary at home and raise him with lots of love and stimulation. She said that Down Syndrome children being raised at home were walking at 2-1/2 years old, whereas Down Syndrome children raised in institutions walked at 5 years old.
We went home and digested all of the information, and after some discussion, made our decision to raise Gary at home. We then started to look for help in our community to better understand our son’s condition, and what we may be able to do to stimulate him so that he could learn and be a happy child.
For the next 6 weeks, Gary was a good baby, sleeping a lot and hardly ever crying, but he had difficulty sucking his bottle. I called the doctor’s office many times during that period, but was advised to let Gary sleep through the night and wake him up during the day for feedings.
When we took Gary for his 6 week checkup, the doctor asked us if anyone in our family had slanty eyes. We answered – No, and asked why he asked that question. He said that Gary had some of the features of a “Mongoloid”, but it was too early to diagnose. We went home that night, wondering if the doctor was right, and whether we should go to another doctor for a second opinion.
The next morning, I got on the phone and found a Pediatrician who had an open appointment. When the pediatrician walked into the examination room, he appeared to be very surprised and shocked, and he asked what we knew about this baby. I explained what our family doctor had said. After the doctor examined Gary, he brought us into his office, and said that, in his opinion, Gary had Down Syndrome. I was totally in shock, and started crying in his office. I have to say that this doctor had no bedside manner whatsoever. I can remember sitting there thinking about what Gary was going to be like. We knew him as a loving, sweet baby. This doctor made him seem like some kind of a freak.
The doctor said that we could get another opinion and referred us to Illinois Research for a complete examination and diagnosis. We had to wait until Gary was 5 months for an appointment at Illinois Research. Gary was put through many tests, x-rays, etc. Gary had all of the features of Downs Syndrome -- folding of the ear, large tongue, stars around the cornea, etc. After all of the testing, the Chief Physician asked us if we would stay for the interns’ afternoon class. I found this to be another traumatic moment in my life. Gary was placed on an examination table for all of the interns to examine.
I kept wanting to grab my baby and leave. As the interns were examining Gary, the Chief Physician turned to us and asked what we were going to do with this baby. We answered that we were going to raise him with our other son. He then said “I have worked with Mongoloids for 20 years – and my advice to you is to place him in an institution and forget him. He will never fit into the world”. We were in such shock that we hardly responded and then left. As we left, we had this terrible feeling of emptiness and despair. We didn’t know what to do next.
We decided to call our parish priest. Again, he had no advice for us, since he did not know that much about Down Syndrome. He, however, referred us to a Catholic home for developmentally disabled infants through 6 years old. We met Sister Mary Walter, who gave us a tour of the home. It was so disturbing to see all of the babies lying there with missing arms and legs and severely brain damaged.
We then talked to Sister Mary Walter about our child. We told her about Gary’s Down Syndrome diagnosis. I can remember asking her if a child could have the features of Down Syndrome, but be normal. She advised that we accept the diagnosis. She, however, also advised that we keep Gary at home and raise him with lots of love and stimulation. She said that Down Syndrome children being raised at home were walking at 2-1/2 years old, whereas Down Syndrome children raised in institutions walked at 5 years old.
We went home and digested all of the information, and after some discussion, made our decision to raise Gary at home. We then started to look for help in our community to better understand our son’s condition, and what we may be able to do to stimulate him so that he could learn and be a happy child.